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[badluckwithplanes]

bangr

OWEN SHAW | 35

Born and raised in London, resident of the world. Any more personal information given only to those willing to ask for it.

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YES <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span>	NO <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span>

IC INBOX:

"This is Shaw. Leave your message, get back to you once I can."

Comments

[badluckwithplanes]

If someone's not getting off, preferably both, you're doing it wrong.
Sex is still sex without penetration. Are you still in public school?

They're clams, though. Do they even have gender?

[assholic]

Tell that to the assholes that can't just shut up and give a good dicking.

Someone needs to google. Snails are hermaphroditic. Clams aren't. Neither are urchins. Suck that clam dick down.

[badluckwithplanes]

See now it's just painfully clear no one's ever given you good head. And I'm sorry for you.

[assholic]

You make it seem like I want someone's head between my thighs. Or that I can have that. Sorry, enh. You lose.

[badluckwithplanes]

How can you not be capable to have someone's head between your thighs? Would the broomstick get in the way?

[assholic]

Ever seen someone crush a watermelon with their thighs?

[badluckwithplanes]

Please. I would be shocked if you weigh ten stone, princess.

[assholic]

Keep tempting me to prove you wrong, Crumpet.

[badluckwithplanes]

Now what would that entail exactly?

[assholic]

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[badluckwithplanes]

How did you get enough liquor to get this drunk?

[She's all over the map, otherwise.]

[assholic]

Investigating is what I do. I investigated. And found some shit.

[badluckwithplanes]

I see. A prize to you for that then.

[assholic]

That's exactly what it is. And I stole someone's bed because they're being a whiny jackass. So I have a bed, booze, and nothing better to do than poke the bear.

cw: homophobic slurs

[badluckwithplanes]

Now now. You've done all this research on marine life and you're not even up enough on your lingo to know I'm not at all a proper bear.

Just a garden variety fag. Right?

[assholic]

There you go again, taking a casual term and turning it into something offensive to prove your point. You not getting laid or something? You're pretty touchy about something you don't care about.

[badluckwithplanes]

I don't think anything ill of myself for being who and what I am.

I suppose I must confess, I give more of a shit than I'd like about those who think less of me for such a preference.

Like someone who when she wants to insult a man instantly goes with the idea of taking a cock in the ass or down his throat. And keeps coming back to it again and again. Making it pretty bloody clear what she herself thinks of the notion, that she considers it safely and properly insulting to a man's pride and character.

But you're still open-minded enough to let me go down on you I suppose. Well aren't we charitable.

[assholic]

Yeah, I haven't said any of that. You're reading into it because you're looking for some reason to be an uppity asshole.

Take a page out of my book, Snookums. You don't need to make shit up to be a salty piece of shit. Just own being an asshole.

Asshole.

[badluckwithplanes]

I never told you that I even liked men before you talked about "spreading my cheeks". Or "gapingly anal". Ergo you had your own implication in mind.

There are ways to be the bitch you are, bitch, without sinking to that particular level.

[assholic]

Spreading your legs isn't going to work as well. It was a euphemism that you took the way you wanted to because blah blah persecution. We're all here to be sluts, idiot. We're all spreading something.

You want to keep taking it as a slur? That's your mind making it that way, not me. Maybe you need to take a few more steps out of the closet and stop fucking around in Narnia.

[badluckwithplanes]

People here should learn to own their own shortcomings and stop trying to invent other people's for them.

Go start a club with Matt Murdock if you want to be a sanctimonious killjoy.

[assholic]

Buddy, trust me. No one is more aware of how much of a fuck up they are than I am.

You've met my sanctimonious prude, have you? I think they fucked up picking him. He literally thought he had to just jerk off in a cup.

[badluckwithplanes]

Of course you already know the bastard. Make yourself useful and settle a gentleman's wager for me, would you. Do you know if he's still a virgin?

[assholic]

[She switched to audio for about fifteen seconds so he could hear her laughing.]

[badluckwithplanes]

That's not actually an answer.